Hallelujah?
Long ago in my Catholic Sunday School days, I heard something no kid could truly understand I suppose, but the memory still stayed with me. Out teacher said "It is much easier to have faith in our Lord when we are happy, than when we are sad, but it's when we are sad that we need him most".
I grew up to be something of a heathen, but a spiritual sort of heathen with a somewhat Catholic perspective that pops out here and there. My mom strayed from her Catholic conversion to more general Spiritualism. Though she has in later years stated a stronger Christianity.
Since Brian's diagnosis, I don't find it harder to believe in God at all maybe because I do indeed need spirituality more in my life now. I find myself comforted by thoughts of a power greater than myself who wraps me up and helps me cope with this thing I can't carry alone.
Thanksgiving and the holidays bring good things and challenges. The comparisons to last year are unavoidable. Things were so very different last year, of course. Then there is wondering what things will be like next year and if we will even get a "next year". The mind goes there, can't help it.
The healthy thing of course is to take THIS year and make the most of it, it's what you do. I am human and so is Brian. We both think of when we did not have to make the most of much of anything because we already had it dang near all.
Focusing on today has meant enjoying my brothers visit from Hawaii this week, eating dinner with family, watching football and movies, buying a new mixer, going back to work today while Brian got bids for gutters, washing and dishes and cooking and all things normal. In further good news a friend is coming from California for a week over Christmas, we love the distraction and gatherings she brings with her and just hanging out together.
I talk to Brian when he is down about not letting the future steal the present, about not focusing on what he cannot do but what he can. I feel like a stupid cheerleader sometimes, but I do what I can.
I bought a couple of little tabletop trees tonight at Bachmans. Brian is not going to be crawling into the attic and spending hours setting up decorations and trees as he has the past ten years with me. That's okay, it's less hectic but I still needed a little Christmas. Thank you for little trees and for today.
I grew up to be something of a heathen, but a spiritual sort of heathen with a somewhat Catholic perspective that pops out here and there. My mom strayed from her Catholic conversion to more general Spiritualism. Though she has in later years stated a stronger Christianity.
Since Brian's diagnosis, I don't find it harder to believe in God at all maybe because I do indeed need spirituality more in my life now. I find myself comforted by thoughts of a power greater than myself who wraps me up and helps me cope with this thing I can't carry alone.
Thanksgiving and the holidays bring good things and challenges. The comparisons to last year are unavoidable. Things were so very different last year, of course. Then there is wondering what things will be like next year and if we will even get a "next year". The mind goes there, can't help it.
The healthy thing of course is to take THIS year and make the most of it, it's what you do. I am human and so is Brian. We both think of when we did not have to make the most of much of anything because we already had it dang near all.
Focusing on today has meant enjoying my brothers visit from Hawaii this week, eating dinner with family, watching football and movies, buying a new mixer, going back to work today while Brian got bids for gutters, washing and dishes and cooking and all things normal. In further good news a friend is coming from California for a week over Christmas, we love the distraction and gatherings she brings with her and just hanging out together.
I talk to Brian when he is down about not letting the future steal the present, about not focusing on what he cannot do but what he can. I feel like a stupid cheerleader sometimes, but I do what I can.
I bought a couple of little tabletop trees tonight at Bachmans. Brian is not going to be crawling into the attic and spending hours setting up decorations and trees as he has the past ten years with me. That's okay, it's less hectic but I still needed a little Christmas. Thank you for little trees and for today.
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