Updates - Well sort of...

Not much new to report condition wise since June 20th. Brian consumes only puréed and liquid things now. Has some pain issues we are dealing with, and most everything happens in his extremely useful multi positional recliner. He takes more meds to control more things and sleeps more often.

Meanwhile, I don’t have big answers to questions like “how are you doing”? I go to work all week yet somehow always feel disconnected, vaguely isolated like my interactions are me talking to people from an alternative universe. I know I get to go back to that world eventually, but I don’t live in it now. It’s okay, I need to be with Brian now because he is headed somewhere I can’t follow until the time comes. My heart is with him even when my body is not.


People help us so that’s good. Hospice is around some part of each weekday in some way or another. Julia cleans and more twice a week. A volunteer shows up.

The house is pretty completely Smart Housed now, using Alexa and I can do everything from order groceries to lock doors and turn the TV and thermostat with Alexa. Better yet, Brian can use it all from said recliner. He can call people with it too!

I get tired now in a way I have not known before, and my head gets very full. Random things float through. Yesterday I kept seeing Brian “before” in my head. Worse yet, that started when I was in a meeting at work. Ahhh deep breath, turn thoughts  to topic at hand.

Random thoughts today are easier. I was thinking of how glad I am that we always forgave each other. I feel like in my life, Brian is the only partner I have had that gave me forgiveness. The others saved up stuff on a demerits sheet. You know what though? I did too. I’m not suggesting to anyone to be a doormat, but just to realize we are all imperfect. Forgive each other. If you hit something like this you will be so glad you did.

Off to the store and a day of hanging out. I spend my work week in budgets, my home week in managing some issues for Brian that popped up, and tomorrow I am off to the nursing home to see Mom and deal with a few things there. Today is rest.





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